Note: This response is a reply to a community member expressing fear around being rejected by a coach they applied to work with. She used the phrase “is it weird to fear being rejected” so that’s why I used that phraseology in my response.
Dear Community Member:
No, it’s not weird to fear being rejected. It’s a universal fear that we all have and is normal to feel. It’s also connected to attachment. The fear is rooted in a thought. If we can change the frame around the thought, we can change its power over us. Fear closes down, love opens up. As we change our hearts, our thoughts change and we allow more flow.
Consider a shift of mindset. Apply to these various opportunities with an open and grateful heart. Be willing to accept whatever the outcome is. Don’t be attached to a coach or their influence or their brand or anything like that. Instead, put in your mind that you want to be connected with the best person who will create that amazing environment where you can thrive.
Trust the process with any coach you encounter. The reason they evaluate potential clients is because they are looking for “fit.” The better the connection with the client, the better they can do their work to create an environment where you can show up in your most powerful way. I go through my own process with my coaching clients.
When I do a preliminary interview, I do a gut/intuition check. If they aren’t a fit on a vibrational level for me, then I won’t work with them. I’ve made a few mistakes over the years in taking on clients when I had an inkling something wasn’t right. It wasn’t about the money or the work we were going to do. Instead it was about the person not being the one I was meant to “walk with” on my journey. It has to be right for both parties. I ignored very subtle inklings. I’ve since learned not to do that, but I had to go through my own learning, too.
Rejection can be a favor in disguise. It might be steering you away from something unpleasant, or unfruitful, or even from something that you’re not quite ready to embrace. And, as a word of advice — don’t be ready to jump into a coaching situation because they say “yes” to you. Carefully evaluate it. Do a gut/intuition check. Sleep on it a night or two. Be all in or not at all. Your decision to work with them is equally important as their decision to work with you. There’s a meeting of the minds or there is none.
Rejection doesn’t mean something is bad. It’s merely a data point to inform you that something isn’t the right fit right now. It doesn’t mean it’s forever, it may only be for a moment.
Fear is something we can sense in others — by being around them, through their words, and by how they choose to show up/not show up in the world. While we might not realize it, we telegraph to others our fear and others do not respond favorably to that. They tend to want to create distance.
Fortunately we can do things to create a more welcoming vibration. We change our thoughts, it changes our hearts. It changes how we show up in the world. And it changes how others perceive us. Easy to do? Not always. I’ve spent a lifetime dealing with my own issues around fear and rejection. I still have fear. I still get rejected. That’s a natural part of life. I get right back out there and keep working on myself and my thoughts. If I can do it, you can do it. We are all in this together.
Shift your thoughts. Put it in your heart and mind that you want to put out the “welcome sign” to the right coach to connect with you. I truly believe that through this shift, you’ll attract the right person at the right moment for whatever that right thing it is that you need to work on at the moment.
Enjoy the journey ahead!
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff