Anyone who has ever had coach training knows this number one rule: You don’t coach others without their permission. It doesn’t matter who you are.
It doesn’t matter your level of education, or if you’re the CEO of a company, or even if you have all the certifications in the world. You just don’t do it. It’s bad form and showcases your narcissism rather than your compassion for others. It also indicates you weren’t paying attention during your coach training!
Let me share Britney’s story
Last November, she had a call scheduled with someone she met at a conference. They wanted to discuss the possibility of working together.
Prior to the call, Britney had a change of heart and wanted to reschedule. She wasn’t feeling well and thought she would be in a better position to handle the meeting at another time. However, Britney had a full schedule and really couldn’t change plans and so she played through. Big mistake!
So they both get on the call and are talking about the potential of working together when the other gal starts coaching Britney around her business and what she thinks Britney should be doing. And, this went on and on and on. What? Where did that come from? Britney never asked for her opinion on anything related to her own business.
So what just happened?
This is where I had to coach Britney. You can refer to some of the coaching points below. This other gal knew nothing about Britney — her hopes, dreams, or even her business, but suddenly, she’s an expert on all things Britney. This is bizarre at best. Even Britney was taken aback!
It’s never okay to jump into a coaching conversation when you weren’t invited for that express purpose. It’s never alright to use “power over” others.
It’s especially shameful as the other gal knew Britney was in a vulnerable position since it was indicated in several sharings made during the call. None of these were invitations for coaching; these were merely statements that anyone would say during a normal conversation.
Coaching Points for Britney
- If you get a sense to not do something, trust your intuition. It knows better than you do. And, actually this is just a higher level of your own knowing. Trust your gut all the time.
- When someone starts coaching you, without your permission, stop the runaway narcissistic gal or guy in their tracks. They don’t understand boundaries or, if they do, they certainly don’t care about yours. Be kind, be gracious, and steer the conversation in a new direction.
- If the gal or guy asks you the question, “Can I coach you around this?,” and you don’t want their advice, just say “no.” This phraseology is a passive power play. It automatically puts you in the “bad person” or “ungrateful person” situation if you say “no.” It’s the “how dare you refuse my supreme coaching” approach. It’s inappropriate on multiple levels.
Britney survived the call, debriefed it, and learned her lessons. She survived and thrived! She’s now better prepared to spot and stop unwelcomed conversations like the one she experienced. The more you know, the more you grow. It’s a beautiful thing.
I’m not a “power over” coach. I’m a “power with” partner. I work and walk together with my clients to help them see the treasure inside. More importantly, I help them break through and express their talents and gifts in their own unique way. I help them navigate our complex and challenging world on their terms and in their time.
If you’d like to connect with me to see how we can work together, I would be honored. Reach out through LinkedIn or connect with me at https://tarahelpdesk.com
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff